Saturday, April 19, 2014

‘Calgary School’ to become centre of world’s newest religion – ‘Econotology’

The “Sacred Arch of The Market” at the world headquarters of the Church of Econotology, formerly known as “The Calgary School.”

 The “Calgary School” at the University of Calgary has been chosen to be headquarters of the new world’s newest religion, whose followers boast they had numerous influential worshippers in major universities and governments throughout the world even before the new faith was formally named.

“Econotology’s” doctrines were given to Humankind by the Supreme Being of the Universe, which is today known as The Market, through a group of religious scholars who practiced their beliefs in remote mountain villages in Europe just southeast of Germany, explained a spokesperson for the new religion.

For this reason, the founders of the faith are known as “the Austrians,” said the spokesperson, who could not be identified because of his senior but nevertheless unidentified role as a campaign advisor to a well-known Alberta political party.

“But really, we’ve been around since the beginning of time, secure in our faith in The Almighty Market,” noted the spokesperson, who said Econotology combines the best aspects of all great religions, with none of the bad stuff expect for when it’s necessary to win elections in countries with a misplaced faith in democracy.

“We’re working on fixing that,” he said. “But it takes time.”

“I can tell you now that the Canadian prime minister and many of his closest advisors are among our most enthusiastic followers, and we are very hopeful Econotology will soon be adopted as Canada’s state religion,” the spokesperson added. “For all intents and purposes, it already has been.”

“Canada will just be one of the first, however,” the spokesperson said. “We are already well on our way to becoming a true world religion.

“We’re fortunate that the ‘Vatican’ of the Church of Econotology will be the beautiful University of Calgary campus,” he added. “And if you like buying cheap electronic goods or selling petroleum, that’s lucky too, because in Alberta every day is the Sabbath.”

Econotology insiders, however, say that while Alberta was chosen early as the best place for the new faith’s spiritual home, there was a fierce fight between universities in Calgary and Edmonton for the right to be headquarters of the new religion.

“Unfortunately for Edmonton,” the spokesperson said, “the University of Alberta’s Peter Lougheed Leadership Institute is still just a twinkle in Indira Samarasekera’s eye. The Calgary School has been there, like, forever!”

Alberta was also a natural to be chosen Econotology’s spiritual headquarters, the spokesperson added, because the Garden of Eden is now known to have been located just west of Calgary, near the community of Bragg Creek.

Despite its historical role in the development of Econotology, the University of Chicago wasn’t considered as the church’s base because another religion already claims the Garden of Eden was located in Missouri, which is right next door, he explained.

Despite the name, he added, Econotology has nothing to do with ecology or the environment: “It’s nice that the name makes it sound all ecological and green and everything, but the only thing green about this religion is U.S. dollars.”

No comments:

Post a Comment