|The government benches in the Alberta Legislature.|
“Everett McDonald? Genia Leskiw? Sohail Quadri? Do these people even exist?” asked the source deep within the national broadcaster, who could not be identified because it’s the CBC that does the identifying. “We’re checking, but, seriously, has anybody actually ever met any of these people?”
The source said any scheme to run Progressive Conservative candidates with fake names and made-up resumes would have to be much more elaborate that the plot cooked up by former Premier Alison Redford’s office staff to book “false passengers” on government flights, which was also uncovered by the CBC. The “ghost riders’” reservations were cancelled at the last moment so the premier could fly in privacy.
“It was pretty obvious that the names on the flight manifests like D. Duck, K. Marx and W. Gretzky weren’t real people,” said the source. “Whereas, with real sounding names like Ron Casey and Linda Johnson, who can be sure?”
“We’re starting to think we’ve uncovered a scandal of unprecedented proportions in legislative history, anywhere,” the source said, adding, however, that the CBC is still not certain. “We thought Dave Rodney might be another one, but it turns out he’s actually in cabinet and people have seen him.”
“We’re still working on how imaginary MLAs’ votes could be recorded,” the source added. “We have a better theory for how they get elected. Basically, Alberta voters will cast a ballot for anyone with the word ‘Conservative’ beside their name. This explains Murray Smith’s political career.”