Canada to dump ‘Liberal’ maple leaf flag in major ‘re-branding,’ PM says

Canada’s new national flag! God save the Queen!

Canada will drop its distinctive Maple Leaf Flag and resume using the Red Ensign, Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today.

“Renaming the air force the Royal Canadian Air Force and spending a few million dollars on new pips and crowns for the Army and brass loops for the Royal Canadian Navy has been really great for morale,” Harper said in an impromptu news conference in Ottawa.

“It’s a wonderful reminder of our glorious colonial past that strengthens the link between today's service members and the previous generations of heroes who bravely served our country,” Harper told reporters. “So we thought, why shouldn’t all Canadians have a morale boost like that?”

The prime minister added: “Anyway, I just don’t feel as good about the Americans since they threw Conrad Black in jail and put a guy who’s practically a socialist in the White House. Since I’m Canada’s decider, I decided that if the Red Ensign was good enough to be Canada’s flag through two world wars, it was good enough to be our flag now. Plus, it wasn’t designed by a Liberal!”

The Red Ensign will be made Canada’s official flag as soon as Parliament meets again in the fall, while his majority government is still intact, Harper said.

“And if we manage to get another majority after that, we’re thinking of making God Save the Queen the national anthem,” he concluded. “We’re completely re-branding Canada."

All Canadians over the age of 12 will be given a gorget to celebrate the change in flag, the Harper Government said in a news release.

America’s Canada meddling ‘has to stop’ president warns as Russia ponders crisis

One of the 411,000 heavily armed U.S. troops waiting within kilometres of the Canadian border faces off against a Canadian police officer.

Russia is sending additional troops to its Arctic region as part of its response to U.S. aggression against Canada and President Vladimir Putin says his government is looking at making a bigger long-term defence commitment to the region to guard against U.S. President Barack Obama’s “menace and expansionism.”

Officials in the Kremlin say the United States has amassed more than 411,000 troops in the 15 U.S. states that share a boundary with Canada. Despite repeated claims the United States has no interest in Canada, President Putin said, Russian satellites have observed no indication any of those troops are being moved away from the border.

“Many of their 112 encampments along the border have taken on the appearance of permanent bases,” he observed. “They keep saying they have no interest in Canada, but if that’s so, why do they need 400,00 soldiers, sailors and airmen crowded right up against Canada?”

“There are several large formations that are remaining and they have not reduced their presence in any way. Some portion of the force looks like it intends to remain,” Putin added.

“This meddling has to stop,” Putin told reporters. “We have only 40,000 troops close to the Ukrainian border, one tenth as many, and there’s an actual civil war going on there. As far as we can see, nothing much like that is happening in Canada right now. So why all the soldiers?”

The Canadian Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, who is travelling abroad, was unavailable for comment.